Learning to live...........

My life has been going through some major ups and downs this past one year and I managed to stay positive through all that. Ofcourse, there were times when I felt like letting go and I was depressed beyond any consoling. I have this strange personality where I am  not very comfortable with telling people my inner most fears and feelings....I am not comfortable doing that even with my husband who is my best friend. Maybe it is because I don't want him to get anxious or sad. All these times I somewhat managed to remain positive.....no...."afloat" would be the correct word.

I was going through some emotional & physical problems and even my family was going through some emotional problems. I always tried and still try to give everyone hope and I am all about strength and saying positive things. I have heard that the biggest sorrow comes when you see your loved one suffering and whoever said that is quite right. I can withstand all my pains but feel helpless when my hands are tied down beyond a certain limit to help my loved one. I am not one to show too much affection or call someone up all the time to let them know that I love & care about them and in a way I used to think maybe I am much too hard hearted. Now I understand and accept that this is the way I am. But, I am always there for the people I love when they need me the most. I am more than happy to give my love, time and money for them. So, to see such a loved one getting so dejected with life because of all the emotional upheaval going on made me wonder......What can I do? Whatever I am doing, is it enough? How can I control my tortured mind?

I have not prayed in a long time. I have never prayed that much even when I was undergoing & I still am undergoing physical ailments.

I am not thinking about god now because I want something out of him or because I want him to perform some miracle just for me and my family. I know that the almighty has showered so many blessings on us even without asking. I cried my heart out couple of days back as it wrenched my heart and I felt an emptiness when I thought that my loved one may not be there with me to share my happiness & sadness all through different phases of my life. For the first time I cried and prayed my heart out to give me some hope, so that I can get out of this despair.

Previous year I thought of even closing down my beauty blog, as I came to a point where I started thinking....what is the point of all this?????? There is more to life than makeup or things that money can buy. Money can definitely buy happiness....but it lasts only for a short while. I started to think more spiritually. Lets face it, I am a modern woman of the 21st century and I am only in my late twenties and for me to start thinking spiritually so early in my life....it honestly sounds too much even to me. God has never told anyone to let go of anything that gives you happiness & pleasure as long as its not doing anything harmful to you or anyone around you. The lesson that I learned was I do love beauty and my blog but its just not the epitome of my life or my existence and the moment I realised that I understood that there is no need for me to shut down something I actually love. I just have to put a fence of reality around it thats all.

I have now turned to god because I need a friend, I know I can't see him but that doesn't mean he is not there. Seeing is believing but FEELING is also believing. I feel so much calm when I spend that extra time  for myself and my healing. It gives me so much peace.

I have seen people stop believing just because things are not going the way they planned. I have had things go my way when I was not praying and I am sure it will definitely continue its due course in my life as happiness and sadness are two sides of the same coin. But I never needed a friend when I was happy, I was content with myself. Now at this hour of need I just want him to console me, listen to my rantings just like a best friend would do. I am not trying to be religious as God is also with an atheist, the fact is sadly some people never realise the friend that they have by their side.

samo 'ham sarva-bhutesu
na me dvesyo 'sti na priyah
ye bhajanti tu mam bhaktya
mayi te tesu capy aham

(Bhagavad gita 9.29)

Translation:-

 I envy no one, nor am I partial to anyone. I am equal to all. But whoever renders service unto Me in devotion is a friend, is in Me, and I am also a friend to him.

In a psychological point of view people turn to God when their life is in chaos and YES my life is in chaos but I am content because he has given me such a beautiful & loving family and an unbreakable bond with my husband. Yes I am greedy and would love to ask for more but I want to elevate to a level where the supreme power, the almighty doesn't feel obliged to always do something good for me to think of him both in my happiness and sadness. What I need is a healing touch to my scarred mind and I am not going to let go till I get it.What I need is companionship for my clouded mind to set my perspectives straight.

I want to be like the young sage markandeya who wouldn't let go of the shiva linga not because I am fearful of more sorrows that might come my way but because I need someone to hold on to who will keep me steady both during my happiness and sadness and maybe with time he will help me to understand and teach me to balance both the good and bad that might come my way. As Lord krishna said

 man-mana bhava mad-bhakto
mad-yaji mam namaskuru
mam evaishyasi satyam te
pratijane priyo ’si me 

 (Bhagavad Gita 18.65)

 Translation:-

 Always think of Me, become My devotee, worship Me and offer your homage unto Me. Thus you will come to Me without fail. I promise you this because you are My very dear friend.

COFFEE WITH ME :)

I am not a coffee person & I am a die hard tea fan. But I still remember the time my sis introduced me to some amazing coffee. At that time Cafe Coffee Day was only popular in the metro cities and my sis studied in one of the metro cities. So, when she asked me to check it out I was hesitant but I am glad I did. My fav amongst their coffee is Mochachillo. Its a cold drink with Coffe, Chocolate and loads of ice....yummmmmmm......Great for summer :). Mochachillo is my staple whenever I go to Cafe Coffe Day. I started to have this insane craving for coffee now that the summer has started in Kerala. I went out and got my fix :)

My dear "rein-dee" with my Coffee. Isn't he cuteeeee???????

So do you have any favs for coffee??? especially from Cafe Coffee Day????

A LOT OF FAITH AND A LIL SUPERSTITION

I am not overly religious but I am spiritual. Right now, I am going through some rough times regarding my physical health which in turn is affecting me emotionally too. I know its just a phase and that it will pass. Yesterday one of my best friends got me a sacred thread which she brought from a church and tied on my forearm. It was so sweet of her to do that.

Now whenever I look at it I feel a sense of peace on a subconscious level to actually have a part of God with me. I am not superstitious but I do know that there are certain things that science cannot explain. Faith is such a powerful thing and when you believe wholeheartedly in something miracles do happen.

I still remember when I was a child me & my sis used to have these horrible nightmares and we would get up in the middle of the night and go to our parents room. It became such a common thing every night that my Papa came up with a plan. He asked us to bring two fake crystals and before we went to sleep every night he would say some mantra holding the crystals in his hand and then would ask us to keep it underneath our pillow. Surprise Surprise we never had nightmares anymore. Why??? 'coz he was reinforcing the faith in us by asking us to keep the crystals that "Nothing is going to happen". It was  this undying belief of ours that helped us from seeing  those silly nightmares. It took us a while to realise that the whole thing was bogus (read when I was 13 or so) and by that time I had basically outgrown the "nightmares".

Maybe the sacred thread does the same thing but whatever it is...... I can really use some faith, belief & some miracles.

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REDESIGNING MY HOUSE

My parents house is 17 years old and now we are thinking of giving it a facelift :D. We are also planning to completely redecorate a larger part of our house. I was going through some interior decorating magazines and also through youtube  to get some inspiration and I stumbled across this wonderful designer called Rebecca Robeson who has a channel called robesondesign on youtube. She is really funny, smart and moreover she gives FREE practical advice and also shows us how she did it!!!! Isn't that cool???? If you are interested in watching interior designing videos head over to her channel RIGHT NOW!!! Below I am linking  videos of hers thats simply amazing!



     


     



      


I also came across some websites in India that sells some amazing home decor stuff

 Zansaar 

Shopo 

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ONAM

I couldn't blog for the past one week as I was at my hubby's place celebrating Onam, the kerala festival. It was just so much of fun as all the family members were around and it felt even more great as it was festival time!

Every day we would put new "athapookkalams"(flower beds or carpets....if I may translate so in english). As my husband is from the northern part of kerala, their traditions for Onam totally differs from mine, so it was like discovering new stuff all together.

the different "pookkalams" that we arranged

The biggest one was made on the last day and it took sooooo much of time but it was worth it :)

My cute nephew(on the left), isn't he the cutest........

Hope all of my Kerala friends had a great Onam. Take care and see you.......

ITS RAINING!!!!!!

Oh ya I do know that its not a biggie for a lot of people in the country right now, 'coz its raining cats and dogs everywhere else except tvm!!!! I am sooooooo happy that its raining and I am enclosing a video....ya I know am mad. We have not had a heavy  rain for the past 2 months eventhough its the monsoon season. So, its such a welcome relief and ofcourse you can hear my live commentary in the background. Lol. Take care u guys :)

MY VISIT TO THE FAMOUS SNAKE TEMPLE.....

I have been having really bad dreams these  past 2 weeks about a snake chasing , biting me and ofcourse with me eventually  dying! At first I was not that bothered, but I started getting a bit squeamish when the dreams started occuring every single night and mentioned this to my mother. My mom is a bit superstitious about these things and decided to visit the famous "MANNARASSALA" Temple near harippad. So, today we went there, I have visited the temple when I was little and so this time it was really nice to see everything up close and personal, 'coz one tends to remember things more now that I am older duh! :D

A little bit of history about the temple. It is a temple dedicated exclusively to snakes and the idol there is a snake who is said to live in the premises even today at the "nilavara" (an attic sort of room present in really old kerala homes) and is said to wander around at a nearby area called "appoppan kaavu". Honestly, I have no idea how to translate that in english, anyway, the whole temple is filled with trees and bushes and one feels as though they are stepping inside a jungle and to my amazement I saw a real live COBRA!!!!!! lying lazily on top of a branch and it looked really harmless.......but to be honest I really did get scared. The "kaavu" used to be a part of old kerala homes where they used to idolise snakes, pray and do offerings to them all the time. The snakes are a symbol of reproduction and especialy at this temple, couple who don't have kids come to pray and do special poojas to conceive.

The temple itself was built by the sage Parasuraman. He appointed his favourite disciple to look after the temple and it is his descendents who actually does the main poojas and are looking after the temple even now. Ok......enough with my talk let me get on with the pics now. Photography is prohibhited inside the temple, so I took a couple of pics from the outside.

The pond just outside of the temple. Everyone is supposed to wash their feet there before entering the temple. Do you see the lush greenery.......believe me the inside of the temple actually resembles a mini forest!!!

The many views of the temple from outside. Do you see the man wearing the blue shirt, he is one of the guards there and told me to switch my camera off!!! :(

The idols of snakes ,("nagadevatas" as they are called)

Once we started the drive back home, the Kerala monsoons simply took over. It was really beautiful. Anyway thank god that it ddn't rain when we were inside the temple!!!

Myself in Desi Avatar lol :D

The perfect "kerala" or the more well known "mallu" look :D

Anyway I hope you guys enjoyed reading this post, don't forget to leave your comments :)

STUDY,CAREER,WORK,FAMILY.....SURELY ONE NEEDS ALL THAT TO BE PERFECT HUH?

Is it OK to feel jealous when one of your best friend is getting married? Or should I correct myself when I am already MARRIED!!!! Well, I have been married for a year, I do have a wonderful husband........but I do think.... do I have everything that actually counts???? My friend who got married right now did everything in perfect order...completed her graduation, spent one year cramming for a pg seat, got it the very next year and now got married to a really nice guy....ok so let me correct myself, I am not jealous......just "envious" when everything goes in the "chronological" order for someone else and not me. I am allowed to feel some emotion rt.....

I am now stuck with two major things in life, snag a pg seat and oh ya in the mean time get "pregnant" too......why are women always needed to do the eternal juggling? I can just see myself with my big fat radiology book in one hand and a crying baby on the other while my cell phone is jammed into my ear with my working shoulder and screaming to my husband about him having it easy.....So now I wonder....the things that we all consider too good to be true can sometimes be just that "too good to be true"!!!!

I now am at a stage when I am actually doing hide and seek with the society 'coz am so fed up with questions from friends asking me "Didn't you get a pg seat yet?" duh! if I did do they think I would be waiting for them to ask me that question.......I would be howling from the rooftops!!!!! and ya ofcourse not to forget the sweet questions from "his" relatives....."When are we going to see the lil ones" ohhhhhh F*&^.....sorry about the language...

So now, am waiting patiently to turn into the "superwoman" who just about manages everything.....personal life and professional life with so much ease....and the glorious tag would be ......"still!!!! studying" mom or the "working" mom? Guess I will stick with the pic below :)

and the most dreaded question........am I ready for all those things said above.....well.....I guess......baby steps would be enough for now.......let me figure out a way to hold my radiology book straight and squabble with my husband.......atleast for now!!!  :)

OK..........GUILTY......CAN'T REMEMBER NAMES!!!!

Well, am a bit of a ghajini, as far as remembering a person's name is concerned. I can remember everything about them, but I forget names and ONLY names. Its the same with my dad too. He will remember every single detail like where the person is from, his job, when he met him........except for the NAME!!!!

To be honest, its really embarrassing.......its not like how some people forget another person's name if they have met only for a single time or haven't met each other at all for several years alltogether.Its not the case. I first noticed this problem of mine when I was studying in school, when I would come back after my summer vacation(2 months leave) and I would have trouble remembering my classmate's names!!!!!!!!!!! I am NOT exaggerating! I couldn't tell them that, so I would just get near them and chat and take up their new & fresh notebooks and textbooks(they are sure to write their names there!!!) and find it out that way!


This happens to me even now, wonder why, maybe that part of my brain is not developed, or maybe its in the "genes"(oh by the way thanks dad!!! lol)

So, next time, my dear long lost friends(if at all you ever read this.......am not deliberately forgetting your name).Its a bloody brain handicap!!!!

so when you meet me please go like this

and plz do reintroduce.......remember I am Aamir in Ghajini reincarnated :D

So, thats for now.....till next time......oh by the way what was I blabbering about........*going blank* ...........

MEIN KAROON TOH SAALA CHARACTER DHEELA HAI!!!!!

OK.......sometimes, I feel like telling some of my friends to go to hell, tell my "in-laws" and "relatives" to GTH!!! Sometimes, I feel that my parents have gone crazy and my sis is the paranoid one with lot of problems!!! I get angry with my hubby for no reason......um.........errrrr.....I think am contradicting my earlier post lol.......but sometimes I just feel like telling everyone to back off!!!!

One of my friends(one of my doc friends) found that I have a beauty blog and it was made "flash" and now they consider me "vein"(sorry......pun, intended)Aren't you supposed to concentrate on ur studies.........well......duh!!! I know what am doing!!!Its my way of UNWINDING!!!! Watever!!!! can't a lady have many sides to her......guess not. I am just on the edge and feel like tipping over any second. I need my close friends, great music and a bit of an upper!!!!I might really burst out one day. But I know, if I tell ppl what I feel to their faces.......I will be branded


                           ""MAIN KAROON TOH SAALA CHARACTER DHEELA HAIN"

Oh.......I very well know am not making sense to a lot of people, but its great to be senseless sometimes and just rant & rave......so right now I just want to be salman and dance to the song right below!!!!!

 And by the way go ahead and judge me even more, I actually enjoy the song, that am gonna give below.......it might  be "B" or "C" grade...but I love it....kya karein character dheela hain!!!!

WAKE UP AMMU!!!!

Well, that is not my real name....but that is what my husband likes to call me. Ok...I am not bragging....I am the youngest of two daughters, I come from an affluent family in kerala, our(my dad's) social & financial circle is really huge! I have 2 servants at home to do everything at my beck and call. I have four cars and definitely driver to drive me around. But I fell in love with a man who doesn't have all this.......but hey he is in the navy......we knew each other for 5 yrs before we tied the knot. Eventhough I had all the "big stuff" at home...I am thankful to my dad for keeping me and my sis grounded. My dad was not born into money and he made it on his own and he knows the value, so he showed us to treat everyone with respect and told us that the "servants" were people who are here to keep our lives more easier....and that they are not lesser human beings. I am thankful to him for that.


But, when I got married.......it was a different ballgame all together. My hubby is a great guy, has a great job, but he doesn't have the "affluent" family like mine...so he is pretty much grounded. He knows his way around things. I am a doc by profession. After I got married I was sent away to Mumbai(my hubby is in the navy and he is posted there) and frankly I was the ranbir and him......konkona sen.....he taught me the "basic" life from scratch.....I didn't know how to buy grocery, I couldn't cook a decent meal, and I certaily had not grown up without a mansion, servants,money(at my beck and call) and most of all transportation!!!(am being honest here....so dont judge me). So, for those who has seen the movie "wake up sid".....they surely can relate to this post......am sure.......am gonna attach a youtube video at the end and reverse the roles plz (am ranbir and my hubby is konkona). Am thankful to have him in my life........he is my pillar....he is the one I turn to when I need a dose of reality shot!!!!

It was my decision to remain at home and do nothing('coz after 5 yrs of MBBS you kinda get tired.....but hey now am back at kerala and I have joined my pg entrance coaching classes!!) and wanted to enjoy life. I was bored in Mumbai when he left for his job and I was left alone......Thats how I started my blog......wwww.indianmakeupways.com(i was ashamed to start it........its a beauty blog and am a doctor for gods sake!!!! PPL may not take me seriously).He gave me full support, when you read the very first posts, u will know, how very vulnerable and naive a blogger I was. The 2 bloggers who gave me strength where anamika(wise she) and rashmi(indyabeauty) and most of all my husband.

He showed me how to live life, how to catch a bus or train, to learn to cook, and also to pursue my "side passion" or alter ego "indianmakeupways". I love u so much. Our anniversary is on 10th of may and I am so blessed to have you in my life........

So, above, thats my wake up (sid) Ammu moment, and i am adding this video in here.....but plz just reverse the roles in here (konkana-my hubby &ranbir-moi) :D And by the way happy anniversary in advance honey.......love u lots!!!! :)

Kaadhal Sadugudu............

Before I got married......my concept of marriage was very sacred.........even now it is........it was more like someone who understands me whether I am sober or not........weird huh....... was just watching this song in tamil......this movie was remade into a movie "saathiya", in bollywood and it was a super duper hit in tamil(alaipaayuthe) and made "madhavan's" career!!!! Life is so great in those honeymoon period, not that it gets awfully bad after that.........but ppl tend to take each other for granted(reality kicks in). When I was in a relationship with my hubby, if i did send a bad msg, he would call me 10000 times to know as to what happened.......now, he does call......but just 10 times......is this is the life that i envisioned.........not that I got anything bad.......but I still would give anything to have that "no strings attached" but "i want u my love more than anything" in this world tag :) :D ;)





The same song in hindi

WHAT DO YOU DO????????

Am bored, outta my mind, angry, sad, depressed and then what happens????? I walk into a crafts & stationery shop and pick up something UNUSUAL!!! atleast for meeeeeee....I picked up some oil pastels!!!!I have NEVER worked with them and I have never shown any interest either......EVER!!!! I was on the verge of looking for DRUGS!!!!...lol am joking...hmmmm maybe not!!!!! you outta ur mind?????? ofcourse am joking! I love to joke around....by my style of writing itself you would have understood that I am not in my realm right?????? Anyway to cut the long story short, I made a small (BIG FOR ME) pastel abstract painting for myself.....and I feel pretty good! Love the colors, the strokes, the freedom and most of all that time slot gives me a vaccum.....a vaccum from real life!!....ok...so am attaching the "DE LIFE ON DA ROCKS" which is going to be a masterpiece someday. Be my follower now and you will get 50% off if and ever it goes out on auction :D

So waddya think????? Aint I good??????? LOL

Social Networking can "GIVE" you family......

Prologue:-

We are two sisters and I don't have a brother. I have always pined for an elder brother, there is no rhyme or reason to it. But God answered my prayers in the form of a brother who is 6ft3 tall and I met him through Yahoo chat!!!! Yup, you heard me right. I met him when I was just 15 yrs old, let me not get into the details (lest he might sue me LOL).He was the one there to support me 'coz I was going through a rough patch and I have to say he is rude, brash, crude, insensitive......more than that, he is my BROTHER. Who said blood is thicker than water????? Whoever said that never took into account relationships like friends or even "acquired" family members; though I hate the term!!!!

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My eyes are misty. Tears well up in my eyes and for the first time in my life I was speechless. My heart was brimming with joy, with love. Yes.....at last I found him,the person whom I have been searching in all this 17 years. My Brother!


Mine is a very close knit family. Just four people are there in my home including myself. My older sister is the one person I love the most after my parents. I am surely a blessed child. The gods have given me everything. A loving family,good friends, nice school all the things which a small heart can ever wish for....except....the love of a Brother.......

From a very small age i have seen my friends and my cousins playing with their elder brothers.Me , being a 5 year old at that time would look up to the sky (as my Amma told that the god's home is there) and fold my hands and close my eyes to say a silent prayer inside my heart. A prayer which i am so very familiar with. I always ask for a brother, tall,big and strong like the He-Man in the cartoons I used to see at my younger ages.

I would always go to the doorstep and look out. My eyes will search each and every passerby hoping that Ganapathi Bappa will soon send me a brother. How naive I was! My Vallayammachi (grandma) used to narrate stories from the puranas. From Mahabharatha I came to know that the kauravas had only one sister. How nice it would have been for Dusshala to bask in the love of so many brothers who love her so much! I often ask my Vallyamachi as to whether I will be getting my own elder brother or not? She will give me a smile and tell me to wish real hard, so that the gods might listen to my pleading and actually give me one. I, believing it, would pray hard each and every single day…..

Days went by, I grew up.I became intelligent enough to understand that I was so very stupid to pray to Gods and I can’t have any brother. But then also, I never let go of the hope. I nurtured the beautiful moment of seeing my brother for the first time in my mind. The little girl inside me would keep on telling me to have the faith in Ganapathi Bappa and he will surely one day give me a brother out of nowhere! But the rational part of me would tell me to grow up and let go of childish fantasies.

Imaginary friends are always part of a girl's life. So I created an imaginary brother and named him ARJUN. The mighty one among the Pandavas. I have always been fascinated by the character ARJUN. The perfect one with the Ganthiva, who had lord krishna for his best friend. Nobody could defeat him! My brother, the one I had created was also like that. When loneliness cave in on me I would talk with my ARJUN and every single depression would vanish.

Little did I know that the Gods would hear my prayer. I talked with my brother, Mr.cool, for the first time a few months back. To be precise on August 2000. He came to me to give me advice. I am the type of person who doesn’t like anyone restricting me. I had never called anyone Anna ……but him…..He simply made me say that word out of my mouth.

Yes, we would fight….like cats and dogs. He would have an opinion about anything and everything. We had a “Formal Relation”. I spoke to him through Phone and typed long mails. He would keep on sending me cards and advices.

After some months, he said, that his task was over and that I am back to my old momentum and that he should say good bye from my life. An unbearable pain gripped my heart. I was startled to find out the depth of my love towards him and how I was affected by this person , whom, I called “Anna”. I couldn’t let him go. I haven’t seen his face. But I was much too familiar with his sound.

For the first time after such a long break I folded my hands, looked up to the sky and prayed hard to Ganapathi Bappa and he did hear my prayer without any fail.

I know that what me and annan share is a strange relation. People outside may not be able to understand it. But my heart says that this bonding had to happen. It was “meant to be”! My love towards my brother is as pure as Lord Krishna.

We met face to face on april 2001. He smiled and my eyes grew misty and my heart was ready to burst. I met my ARJUN at last! Inside my mind I was crying with joy and tears did drop down my cheek but I wiped it off quickly. I didn’t want him to see that I was this sentimental.

A strange sense of peace enveloped me. It was raining outside at that very particular moment. Yes, the nature was also rejoicing by shedding her tears along with me………..


(The story contains facts and if by any chance you find  out that this is fiction, just go ahead and sue me. LOL. I wrote this atleast 4 yrs back but baring it to the world only now.This is my story......this is how i found my long lost brother........)
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Epilogue:- He is married now, has a beautiful wife and an even more beautiful baby daughter. I am married to a wonderful man. I am happy that our respective spouses understand our bond even though we "met" on the net!!! Our families are close too.....I have seen a lot of people finding their life partners through the net but am sure this relation is one in a billion!!!! :)

I know am being sappy with this song, guess am like that :D

Gotta Give A Kick to Myself.....

I have been down all week, well........I had a real crappy week. Not able to study properly, angry with anything and everything, not even talking to my family that well. I have been having this really irritating backpain which has been bugging me for quite some time....

Had to take an MRI 'coz of all the pain........guess what, I have Spina Bifida Occulta!!!(medical term for a congenital anomaly in my spine). Nothing major to worry about, but I don't think I will ever be able to do a lot of strenuous work in my life. I have been advised a week of rest and also some medicines to ease the pain!!!. I just feel so dejected! Can't explain it. I am a doctor.......I am supposed to understand..but I don't! Whatever! Its like suddenly I have lost interest in everything........maybe the feeling will pass.......feeling angry with my hubby too...... Can't help it....I know what I am doing is not right.......isolating myself........I guess thats just the way I am.

I hope the mood passes soon enough. What I need is my friends, wine, couple of  *you rock gal* attitude from everyone  :D and some great songs to get me by....The one that has caught my fancy right now is the one below. Hope u all are having a great weekend. take care y'all